1 year 1 month post surgery with Dr Miro/Dr Borko Serbia

 Hi all,

Thought to make an update. Its one year one month post meta - everything all in one. 

- Due to Covid I have not had a revision yet. So I have been putting gauze in my pants and am used to it as I leak pee. I think its better than wearing pampers or pads Ito my dysphoria so its just two thin sterile gauze. I pee standing using my STP I keep in boxers due to the massive hole under my base of penis - sometimes there is a small stream at the tip that sprays (very weak tho) so ya I can't sit to pee haha - makes me so dysphoric so I pack that stp. 

- The surgeon in my country for the revision due to my urethral defect (basically he needs to redo the urethra and I will have catheters back in - so do it all again) and is charging me $10k. half of my Serbia surgery ... (all self paid - not covered in my country - am in so much debt right now.... going to consolidate my credit cards and loans sigh).

- So anatomy still looks same like previous post - balls higher still. Actually one balls is moving into the back (so not protruding) like the right one. Had sent pics to Miro and he said I need to replace both - great... I honestly have lost all faith and trust. 

- I called Dr Crane in the US - I sent him the pictures. He gave me some closure or answers as I have been going abit crazy wondering what went wrong in the last year - what could I have done etc.. it is what is is, anyways Dr Crane said this is why he does not do all in one surgery - its because what he does is he adds weight to the balls and then adds the balls later. The all in one surgery means that sometimes the balls had a tendency to go up above the penis and that is what happened to me... 

- My thinking now 1) do I fix meta (I would have to do the surgery again basically and go thru stitches and two catheters etc anyways) or 2) do I get phalloplasty since I'm doing the dam surgery again.. lol

- the reason I am thinking of phallo is my penis is soooooo small. Looks the same as before or is hidden in between my balls now so gets 'squashed'. I still pack!!! I realised for me its not about sex but its about feeling complete and having something down there.. this is what made me start to think of phallo.

ORGASM

- also FYI when you cum post surgery its soooooooo intense. so diferent. Now I understand what its meant to 'throb' coz you do throb like bio males and I can relate the connections to my mind and body sooo well now - its so aligned as it always was meant to be - so yes it is pretty good :) YOU DEFO DO 'CUM HARD'. Like it all makes sense now. Anyways I have restrictions coz of the way my anatomy looks to still trying to find a way but when I do find the angle its amazing!!! so that's a really great positive from surgery :)  

UNPACKING

- so Phallo was never on the cards for me hence why I went for meta - I love my arms and thighs too much and it would be a contant reminder that my head couldn't visually take. plus I am stealth and want to avoid too many questions and its just waaaaaay toooo invasive for me. So there is back-donor site as well lets unpack for me

1) Arms - I cannot deal with a visual dent in my arms. Not shaming anyone btw I'm unpacking my thoughts and opinions. I do not have the mental strength to deal with that. Though all my research shows this is the BEST due to sensation with nerves etc. Phallus will be thin. 

2) Thighs - same as above can't deal with visual. The problem is you will have girthy one but you have fat on thighs so you may have to do a few liposuctions. Again not for me..

3) there is back donor - apparently this is hard phallus so sometimes its hard enough for penetration or semi due to I guess we have more muscle on our backs/lats. this is a question mark for me at the moment. Coz I do love gym and am thinking about loss of strength of my back muscles etc but need to do more research. they say you don't feel as much sensation as the arms for this. 

4) so while I research (3) back - I am thinking about doing abdomen plasty. Crane does not do this but Miro does this. I am actually looking for a doc in UK for this as I saw someones reddit and it looked amazing! Why abdomen - I have my arms back and legs all not touched. there massive scar will be dow there so I guess I can cover with my boxers etc. The only prob is sensation apparently - the worst sensation suxually - but I will still have my T-dick and feel that buried but more won't feel the tip of my large phallus. UNLESS I get a nerve from my arm harvested. For me I prolly didn't mention but sex is not.a big part of my life so for me its more about having something down there so am really drawn to this one! 

IF ANYONE HAS THOUGHTS OR HAD ANY OF THE ABOVE OR RESEARCH IF I AM MISSING KEY THINGS TO HELP ME DECIDE I WILL REALLY APPRECIATE IT. !! :)

I called Miro to talk about the phallo - off course he called me straight away coz its new business. I am just disappointed as he didn't answer my questions act my meta but now that I am asking act phallo - he called me video call literally the same day. I guess where more money is involved.. or it honestly feels this way.. Anyways - he sent me pics of the abdomen phallos he did and a few back ones. His price is reasonable and he did discount it for me due to my meta surgery or maybe he felt guilty I don't know. 

I called Crane and asked for a quite for fixing meta and phallo. My dilemma is I want abdomen phallo but crane doesn't do it, and I want Crane. The second dilemma is I cannot afford crane as he was quoting arm phallo for nearly $100k USD. I am already in debt for Half of that I honestly have no more money and struggling!! Now to fix the meta - I don't even know how I will fix it as I need to start saving again or getting my credit rating up to borrow more... Sucks that there is no insurance coverage where I live. Sigh.

So ye that's my update 1 yr 1 month. (if any of you have any questions leave anonymous comment below and I can answer or help where I can). Peace and love to all of you. 

3.5 months post surgery

Hi all,
Sorry for the delay. A lot been going on but thought it important to update you.
 Last time we had below questions

• 1) when is the bleeding going to stop. They said in time. 
• 2) how to fix the leakage and the other 3 holes including the cuts under penis. They said with time practise and medicinal honey. 
• 3) when are my balls going to drop. Again over time and keep pushing. 

So update is below:

- I got a UTI around that time and tested for it and got standard tablets. apparently everyone gets a uni lol. also cranberry juice helped relieve pain. my uti I felt pains when I was sleeping or early in the morning my lower right back to right side would ache like crazy. it wasn't appendix as was behind at the back so that's when I decided to get tested as was worried for kidney stones or worse. (don't trust google!) so ya after the dose of uti meds I got tested again and it was gone. 

- btw I went to someone to remove my belly button stitch - the doc who tested my uti was not sore. 

- last post was at week 5 being around 5 Jan from surgery on 2 Dec. I started driving from that week I think 11 Jan but had to use doughnut to sit on and pressed front foot against the side board to lift me up - I drive automatic so just needed one leg to accelerate and brake. its umcomfy but I gat learn some time. This time I was alone no family so had to take care of myself do all errands cook clean lift move things around not by choice just had no-one around etc etc. 

- I was walking funny like a cowboy for a long time. My family and friends used to ask me when will I walk normally. I read someones post they said after two months. This is about right - just after the two mark line you wake up one day and its as if your lego leg has moved into place a bit better. Practise walking. It still looked weird at month 2.5 but then I started walking normal and legs closed not cowboy.

- the drain always used to bleed then bleeding stopped around mid jan so that's after 1.5 months or 6.5 weeks ish. 

- Started work and used doughnut to sit on as well. use standing desks if you can. 

- I tried pumping in early feb - they  made me a pump which is merely a large syringe that you pull back - but my junk was facing downwards and with the hole at the bottom it was hard to put the pump around me plus my balls were still onto of my penis so even hardly get suction let alone put the penis in the pump. Any ways I had previously bought the below pump which I used instead - it has suction with every pump then deflates so I pump over and over ranging from fast to slow for 20 mins morning and night to get traction. I didn't off course start with 20 mins in feb - I did like 5 then 10 mins. First two days I started bleeding again out of nowhere so Miro and Borko said to stop for a week. It could have been too much pressure or too blood from surgery remaining. I stopped pumping after as was too scared I rather heal then pump and started pumping.

https://www.lovehoney.com.au/product.cfm?p=14360

- I recommend buying the below cheap STP its the cheapest and one I use / helped me. I know there is EZP and transthetics that have something that looks similar. I would say find the smallest if you have the budget for the others as you will be carrying it in your pocket if you have a problem like me and also will help on flights (small area where you can't spread legs if you sit down as much as you can in comfort of your home) and as you learn to pee. 

https://www.ftmessentials.com/collections/stp-devices/products/number-one-stp-powder-finish?variant=22301125185 

- after 3 months mark I started gym so did arms day, then back day then chest day. I ran a bit but just few mins and each day gradually increase. 

Now to update you on the main things.

- my balls have not dropped - all the times dr Borko said keep pushing down with two fingers I did religiously but nothing - not even an inch! :(

- my mate who did the same surgery would stay in touch with me and he did it say 3 years ago and he found a lot of differences in the methods they used on him vs with me eg balls higher than penis and also my catheter was removed earlier than him. perhaps they changed methodology or I was an experiment. 

- I went to a specialist in my country to check up the area as well and he had been to serbia to learn about micros work so I was in capable hands. his English was good as he was local so he was able to tell me what went wrong. so I don't have a fistula. I fistula is a small hole that you can close with finger and it will close in time and sometimes if it doesn't you have a revision. The new dr said to me I have a URETHRAL DEFECT. THE CONSTRUCTION WAS NOT DONE PROPERLY AND MY URETHRA COLLAPSED - WHAT THA FAAAAAAK!! 

You guys cannot imagine my disappointment - I did EVERYTHING they said for me to do - I listened to ALL instructions - I was over meticulous and careful - did everything in my power to make sure everything was in order - I even stayed an additional week in serbia for after care and to be cautious... and after all that.. this happened!!!!!!!!

This made sense now why during my check up in serbia with Miro that mark was checking me then he called Marta then they were pulling with saline solution coz they new something was overly wrong. I could tell they were whispering to each other and it didn't feel normal to me. Then I remember when I had the uncontrollable bladder leak where I peed from down there 6 times in a row - I had told the dr to come and check and no-one came until 2/3 days later. Did they know at that time that 'oh its broken now lets leave it' how I wish they were proactive and said ok you are here for some more time we will quickly remedy it. WHY didn't they  do that? I have so many questions..

When I went to the doctor/surgeon in my country the surgeon was willing to operate me to fix the problem - but when I emailed Miro he said that its too early and we need to wait after 3 months. I get that but why is one surgeon saying its ok to operate and another thinking its not? Isn't there a standard of care? Who is delaying? If anyone knows or can advise me please comment below. 

because I put allll my trust in Miro I postponed the surgery in my country to wait till month 3. I emailed Miro as to when we can do revision then he says to WAIT ANOTHER 2 MONTHS?? is this normal to you guys? My friends and family when I told them what's going on they said why is the surgeon delaying? any delay is not good. if there is a problem you need to fix it quickly before skin grows harder and thicker over the area - as it will make it more painful and difficult to rememdy. And if Miro said 3 months to heal why is he imposing a further 2 months? doesn't make sense to me... anyone? 

So based on the above I scheduled a consult with the surgeon in my country to see if we can proceed. Now with cover 19 not sure what's happening...

I am sad, I am disappointed, I feel I can't trust anyone, I feel alone and lost. What can us trans people do? especially when you are stealth.. its sad...

TO give you an idea \:

- under my penisat the bottom of the base there is a large hole that is where I pee from and that is where the urethra collapsed. 

- I have leakage through out the day so I had to wear pads.. can you imagine how that made me feel after 8 years on T to go back to pads??!!

- then you have to buy gauzes and put as a wedge to capture urine just like post surgery and I still use gauzes to this day 3.5 months post surgery....

- I couldn't take that dysphoria of pads so in Feb and March I started wearing fucking diapers... its like an underwear for men that is disposable - it kinda does have foam padding like a pad but it makes me feel a tiiiiiny but better, its for men with bladder or urinary leaks or old men who poo in the bed. Yes this is what I wear everyday along with gauze...this is my life. I really cannot take another 2 more months...!

New doctor says I need to redo the surgery again - patch up and correct. So I will need to have a small stint or catheter in my penis - have it reconstructed and then have the urinary catheter in AGAAAAAAIIINNNN!! I hate the catheter bag.. I just am saddened by the series of events above.. sigh.. 

Now there is a dent in my penis - not sure If it is dying.. as in there is hard or fleshy material on the head of the penis and the small shaft then in the middle there is a dent where its like skin only. Not sure if it is caused from the penis pump that sometimes ends there or the urethral collapsure...

To give you a visual

- red is skin (C) and the balls are yellow at A. they are higher than the penis. they should have been placed at the bottom of the red skin (c).

- the dent in penis is the D zigzag line

- B is the head of penis. 

So s I said they took the labia and stitches together putting balls at the top. it still looks like the female anatomy except the top labia has balls. I'm really disappointed and sad. WTF. :(::::::::::::::

x

WEEK FOUR & FIVE SUMMARY

I clearly can’t count or do maths aha but the last “week 2 summary” was “weeks 2 and 3” :) this summary is weeks 4 and 5! 

1. Apparently I have two raw cuts under my penis on left and right side. Dr took a picture and it was so pink and raw and he said I need to put gauze under so that my penis doesn’t rub against my scrotum to cause friction and also for moisture removal to heal. Took a few attempts to do it but listen to docs orders. Don’t be shy to ask for help the first time if needed.
2. Bought Medi honey by comvita as per one of my mates am who went through the same surgery. Will apply this after speaking to the doctor for healing the cuts above.
3. Oh how I HATE the catheter bag!! I dread it every night when I sleep around 930/10pm and can’t wait to take it off when I wake around 8. Dr says to remove on 30th! Being 4 weeks post surgery on 2 Dec! Can’t wait! But scared and worries how the hell am I going to void!? But the good thing is I voided by mistake a few times in serbia so less worried.
4. Remember eat your broccoli et all ! Take care of your body as you just put it through so much. Now your turn to help give the body what it needs
5. My balls are still higher than my penis so still trying to push them down every now and again for ten mins. Think will increase this time.
6. Started voiding on 28th as dr said I could do 2 days before catheter is out i guess for practise. Weird at first - you need to block the catheter with the plug. I sat down for that day to practise. You have to pull back top pubic area so penis is out or straight. Mine is too tight for penis to come out but I guess over time and once cuts etc heal it will come out with practise. Then you just focus and say I’m calm or whatever mantra you use and you will feel the pee coming and you just go normally. I have a strong stream even Miro when I sent him videos he said was strong. So urine gushes all over.
7. On 29th after my shower I noticed at the Catheter site Pubic region- there was some yellow gunc coming out and it didn’t look good. Sent pic to Dr ( when I say Dr most of the time I mean Dr Borko btw :) he is the best doctor in terms of his bedside manner and compassion patience and getting back to you on concerns!). He told me best to take out catheter that day than on 30th! I wasn’t prepared but had to do it! With the help of my family who took it out for me it was done in the arvo. 
8. There is a video here for how to do it https://www.metoidioplasty.net/resources/videos/removing-suprapubic-catheter.htm
9. Even though I had just peed when they took out the tube there was a lot of pee that gushed out. I’m guessing that was stuck in the tube per say or flowing through. So have absorbent towels around tummy and under you perhaps a changing baby nappy. It does burn a little as the tube is being pulled out but bearable. I’d say 4/10 overall and times of pulling are more like 6/10 but happened maybe twice. 
10. There is a huge hole after removal. We put alcohol swabs to disinfect then covered with gauze and bandage I case of more urine or discharge. 
11. I had a stitch left in as it was grown under skin so removed next day myself with tweezer where you have to hold the knot first with tweezer and the use razor to cut knot (as you cannot pull out with knot you will rip your skin and it be more painful!). The removed knot and picked one side of the leftover stitch and pulled out through skin. Wasn't tooo painful. Just weird and scary as I never did this before! (4/10)
12. The dr said to cover with the gauze and bandage for 3 days then leave open so hole closes. Everyday I would change and use alcohol swabs. There was still some yellow discharge but it started closing day 2 then day 4 and 5 better. The pain in abdomen after removal hurt as I guess the catheter was being removed and trigger all muscles from there to the bladder so I had to relearn how to sit slowly on loo and relearn how to get out of bed and in bed etc but you and the body figure that out. That’s the beauty and power of our magnificent vehicle which I am so grateful for carrying and taking care of me so well and to the best of its ability!
13. I tried to sit without doughnut on 30th as dr said I should be sitting normal etc. it hurt and was so uncomfy like needles poking me then I read and also realised I have dissolvable stitches down there that’s why they hurt. I tried sitting for a long time and different positions and forced myself to be normal. Next day I was bleeding a lot! So don’t force yourself! Use a doughnut. Your body and you will naturally know when to force. (Like you will learn to get out of bed quicker and learn to go number 2 and push tummy muscles quicker over time as the body naturally heals) Try little by little.
14. After catheter removal I noticed my gauze was not only mainly blood. There was a lot of urine stain around. Dr said I need to push from the bottom on balls to remove all p but there is nothing at the bottom of my balls it’s hard and my balls are above my penis that’s why I need to push them down over time. So still figuring that one out.
15. Over a week of peeing (did few days sitting then started standing in the bathtub with a mirror) I noted that there are many streams and that my drain area is leaking and that’s perhaps where the urine leakage mainly comes from. Will need to msg dr on this. But back to the many streams I was initially told I had one fistualla and to hold or block it with a finger and it will go over time with voiding. But then i saw I had 4 holes where irons was coming out from 1) penis 2&3) left and right side under penis (I think from the above mentioned left and right cuts under penis) and 4) where Drain is. I emailed both Dr Borko and Dr Miro about this as this is one of the main reasons for the surgery. To be able to STP! Borko said the left and right side comes from the fistualla he thinks and miro said to try and push back the penis to block holes and void to see. Basically trial and error. I’m not going to lie I am a bit disappointed but I am going to try my best to work it out and let the body heal over time. Though I can’t even see or feel where the dam fistualla is that’s why I think it’s behind the penis. Anyways I will keep trying and figuring out through trial and error. Wish me luck! :) 
16. Dr said I should start pumping but I showed him the red left and right under penis cuts still red and he said ok wait another week and use medicinal honey. I must say my penis swelling has gone down and penis size as well. I looked back at a picture I had sent miro pre surgery and was a tiny teeny bit disappointed as it looks the same bar a little bit thicker but everything else looks the same and they just wrap the balls in each labia and stitch the bottom. Mmmmm I think I just need time for all to settle and move down and into place I reckon. Patience. More patience ... ommmmmmm lol.
17. I also noted I have a stitch in my belly button dr said I should take out. Will attempt tomorrow :/ I believe dr Marko forgot to take it out at my last check up at the hospital when he removed the rest of the stitches from the laparoscopy. Tbf it is right inside the belly button and there is a lot of black crust and I saw a small purple stitch. Hopefully it won’t be too painful *fingerscrossed*
18. My concerns right now 

• 1) when is the bleeding going to stop. They said in time. 
• 2) how to fix the leakage and the other 3 holes including the cuts under penis. They said with time practise and medicinal honey. 
• 3) when are my balls going to drop. Again over time and keep pushing. 

WEEK TWO SUMMARY

Day 11 - Thursday 12 December 

• I think I lost count of the days as in my last post Tuesday is actually day 9 as I was meant to count surgery date on 2 December. But all good! :)

• Today they removed the sting from my penis. I had two tubes left remember just the catheter to pee and this tube. Hurt and burned like hell. Was like peeling the inside at the end but it was quick but felt long.

• My diarrhoea is no more thanks to the probiotic tablets :)

• lost track of dates but after the stiches were out doctor came a day after and the gauze got stuck there so he had to rip it again. No fun but was over quick.

• Remember also only wear your catheter bag to sleep at night to avoid infections.

PAIN RATING - 5/10 (sore down there)

Day 15 - 16 December

• I hate Cather bag. Irritates my bladder and some white stuff coming out. Apparently it’s normal. Just to keep drinking water.

• I find in evenings around 6 I am sore down there and it throbs. I think from all the up and down. Doc says throbbing is sign of healing.

Weds 18. Day 17

• today went to the hospital to see doctor miro.

• Had two cleaning sessions one with Marko. Guess he had to properly clean before miro came and it hurt like hell. Then Marta came in and they pulled a lot and put saline solution.

• When miro came he said I have a fistula. Great. They say it’s a small hole and will close over time and when I start to void in a week or so I need to close it with a finger to add pressure. I did some research on goggle and it says if it doesn’t close in 3 months I need a revision. Please pray for me.

• Other than that the journey to the hospital and back was unconfy as I forgot my doughnut and I didn’t sit down from 130 pm to 5pm per say. The half hour car ride I lifted myself with biceps holding the top of the car holder and the other hands triceps pulling my butt up and then my legs pushing against the front of the car seat against my back to avoid bumps. Then miro was in surgery so I lied down and waiting more than half hour with legs bent was uncomfortable but had to hold on. Then the doctor was gna give me a lift so we waited downstairs Biru I couldn’t sit. I was so uncomfortable and tired and weak. I msged the doctor to say let’s just get a taxi don’t worry but they insisted. Five minutes became more than hour standing. Talk about mind over matter. I got home at 5 pm.

• Then I needed to go to the toilet to pee then went back on bed. Then needed to pee again. It didn’t make sense. I was feeling uncontrollable pee pressure but pushed it away. But as I pee second time I Had NO CONTROL OF MY BLADDER. I literally as I was peeing from the tube - pee came out from down there all over the place. It was like release of pressure and lots of pee from bladder. I asked my brother to call doctor and he said don’t worry it happens sometimes and to take rest. Nothing is wrong and to act normal. I was really scared as I don’t know if the pee came from the hole - did I make the fistula bigger? Did I pee from the penis I have no idea as I couldn’t not see as was wearing the lacy underwear.

• Doctor told me to check if the catheter was working so I but the bag and it was working. He said to leave it for the night must have been 6/7 pm. So many thoughts running through my head. I think it’s coz of the pressure of standing and lifting myself that may have caused it I don’t know.

• I broke down into tears as I was resting. Uncontrollable tears. I was so sad having thoughts about regret for the first time. Saying to my brother this isn’t fair etc. balling my eyes out and he reassured me that I am getting better. The worst is over and only one tube left etc. I am grateful for him to be there. It’s not easy. I calmed myself my saying my affirmation mantra. Ate some soup and slept couldn’t eat much. Meditated to bed. Took me a while to sleep.

Thursday 19th. Day 18

• today I feel wonderfull. I think sometimes you needs to let all your emotions out. Don’t hold in. It’s healing to cry and let it all out of your system.

• I slept really well. Woke up with more movement. I did stretches and walked around apartment. Pushed balls down and sat and repeat. Ate a big lunch as missed proper dinner yesterday. Had a chocolate bar too :) then had a good number 2.

• Today is a good day. No pain no discomfort. I am good. I am healing.

WEEK ONE SUMMARY

- so I mentioned there is not a lot of instructions pre or post surgery. Hoping you will find the below of some benefit:


Arrival in Belgrade :
- Landed and as soon as exited saw my name tag. Awesome guy called George (Djordje) picked me up
- Went to apartment half hour drive right in city (remember they have many apartments so you will not know which one you will be booked into or an address until much closer to the time. I kept asking coz I thought you have to mention on landing card but Marta said there isn't no card, but more so for my sanity and advising my family haha - she did was the city and area so all good was able to do google maps and see a lot of groceries etc) - side note when I did go to the airport at the passport check in they said where was I going and I couldn't remember the address area nor had the full address but I said straight to St Medica for surgery hahaha quick thinking :))
- Back to apartment George took me up showed me wifi password, there was a paper with all details like landline number, full address, and mobile number - they give you a HTC you can use and it already has all numbers for all doctors mobiles! (I didn't use it cos there was no credit but more so I preferred to get a line and use my own apps on my own phone etc).


So things you need to know:
- Hardly anyone spoke English hence why I needed my 'say-hi' app or google translate hence needed my phone and data. So go to any of them red kiosks you will see in every corner like a cigarette store and ask them for any SIM card and I also asked the guy to add it into my phone and add top up and data. Things are cheap here in my opinion so whatever he charged me was fine for the convenience of doing that all and hassle (I think like 1500dinars)
- secondly I didn't reliase they do not use EUROs here hahaha coz Marta always quoted in euros. I brought about 200 euro in cash which I think is more than enough and there are a plethora of currency exchanges to dinars all over)

what I learned:

1. bring earplugs (love all the nurses but Serbians are loud AF even in the hospital you think they all shouting at each other, but they not - same when you change tv channels)
2. bring eye mask - so you can sleep anytime
3. bring essential oils 'fighting five'  - this was my saving grace for discomfort, I used it to rub my back and feet and knees and elbows whenever it was sore before bed. Sister assisted. 
4. I wish I had this but if you can bring a tray thing like breakfast in bed type thing that goes around your whole body then do so - easier to put laptop and type on otherwise not really necessary. I found a way buy sitting on coach, adding large pillow on thighs, adding a rubber doughnut on pillow then adding my MacBook, so comfy laptop was right in front of me, I just needed to make sure the pressures on thighs not on your groin. 
5. Bring a doughnut - if you can get a memory foam one like this get it! better than rubber ones (MUST GET  IT) https://www.bsmartliving.com.au/products/Convoluted-Cushion-p101624584 
6. I just brought open button shirts so easier to put on and off and lounged around.

Consultation (mine day before surgery) Sunday
- Take blood, pressure etc
- fill a lot of health questionnaires and consult forms
- Miro check your anatomy and determine ball size (mine small as bigger inner thighs. I asked Marta what if we put medium and she said if you go to gym a lot or bike etc its much much more comfortable to have smaller plus also proportion size is very important etc so I am ok with that).
- I didn't get to feel them bummer I should have asked.

PAIN COMPARISON 
- to give you an idea of pain tolerances - I hate needles, paper cuts I can live with, I never really take pain killers (don't want to rely on them), I am fit, good BMI go gym 3 times avg or everyday when I can. but. I HATE PAIN. I think I am average pain tolerance - I know some jocks who play sport and bash into each other. - I stay away from such madness/pain. So hope this gives context when you go through the pain ratings each day below. Also note I hardly cry ever so below means pain.


Day of surgery (2 December 2019) Monday
- No food or water after 7am (think my last meal was late lunch of pizza and fries lol)
- I had to take a suppository night before then morning - youtube how to do it I was scared but its easy (wash hands, remove trousers, lie on side as scissors, bend knee to tummy, then open n insert tip in water then in you- only remove suppository when ready to insert as it melts)
- I had everything all in one including hysto - surgery at 11 am and came out at 445pm (c6hours).
- I woke up shivering like crazy all I remember was that and holding my sisters hands.
- not much pain as you high on painkillers
- all I remember that night was a lot of nurses coming in an out to check on me drips, antibiotics, temperature, blood pressure etc. Amazing care

PAIN RATING - 0/10 
DISCOMFORT RATING - 5/10 
I guess they numb you well, you just uncomfortable but half asleep to realise



Day 2 Tuesday
- worst day in my life.
- gas from laparoscopy - this feels like you tummy is a volcano full or erupting gas and there is nothing you can do about it but see it through...., back hurts like hell and have bed sores on my feet and neck hurts too
-  Nurse made me get up and walk around bed - I liked the nurse she was experienced and had good English. She looked straight me in the eyes and said "only look forward not to the sides, you are fine everything is ok etc" she said it all with confidence and conviction she gave me courage and I did it.
- later they had to change dressing and remove bandages and clean and also do an ultrasound of the laparoscopy - so they pulled out the sticky bandages - and pressed the ultrasound - I HAVE NEVER SCREAMED OR BEEN IN SO MUCH AGONY EVER.
- recovery is not easy cried

PAIN RATING - 11/10 
to be fair the rating was due to the change of dressing in the arvo - the rest of the day before this would range from discomfort to gas etc so 8/10.


Day 3 Wednesday
- each day gets better. the body is Remarkable!
- got up brushed n washed face - felt good. I stunk still.
- pain back - stomach gas - bed sores continue

- what helped me is these youtube videos - just keep them playing - your subconscious mind will be at work and take those courage affirmations in and relaxation music for sleep and healing etc:

1. https://youtu.be/QasYFScOpTk
2. https://youtu.be/_bRqKmjMgms
3. https://youtu.be/ELYCL02Nryw 
4. https://youtu.be/hdmvMc7TZn0 
5. https://youtu.be/QZbuj3RJcjI
6. https://youtu.be/Fysjjt2Epc4

PAIN RATING - 5/10 (pain from gas- remember all those internal organs are removed so no pain there - I realised this after words when I was asking myself after the L-gas went away why my organs internally are not sore.. then I was like wait they removed so course no pain ! haha :))
DISCOMFORT RATING - 7/10 (back, neck feet)


Day 4 Thursday
- got moved to downstairs I walked all the way chanting an affirmation of courage n I focused on wat was in front of me not the nurse. I am under control, my mind is under control...
- Hadn't been eating - they don't seem to have a proper kitchen at the hospital or maybe as I am vegetarian that's a struggle - I ate sachet soup - salty. My first meal was a hard pastry .... so today I got proper food looks like they bought from a restaurant grilled veggies (mushrooms, peppers, eggplant, zucchini and potatoes). Went number 2 today was not sore - watery.
- Started feeling better
- then changing the dressing in the arvo where they removed a drain from down there plus all padding and bandages and stockings. The drain hurt like crazy! I cried
- Also overall you will sweat alotttt but I had a cold when I got to Serbia so too bad for me I had a cough.. not fun as it pushes everything down there :( - don't get sick! No cold drinks nothing - cover your ears and head when you go out in order to avoid getting a cold!
- I could not sleep all night from 9pm to 630am - first time got out bed myself during this time

PAIN RATING - 8/10 (pain from bandages and mainly drain removal)
DISCOMFORT RATING - 8/10 (back, neck feet)

I stopped taking pain killers from here - they asked me but I didn't need them so since I wanted to flush toxins out I didn't take any not even when I got to apartment though I brought oxycodone.


Day 5 Friday
- As couldn't sleep - fell asleep at 630am
- as anaesthesia leaves body feel better -keep drinking water ..just keep on drinking trust me flush these out of system
- cleaning session better today - there is only two gauzes and a lacy underwear. healing :)
- back apartment 6pm..YAY
- the drive from hospital not fun - about half hour I was holding my body weight with my right knuckles.... but I made it.
- you will find over time you will learn how to stretch on the bed eg need to use your elbows n fists n lower self - move shoulders to stretch left and right side as well.

PAIN RATING - 4/10
DISCOMFORT RATING - 4/10 (your body will need this day to adjust to new straight bed)

Day 6 Saturday
- my first shower took like 1.5 hrs lol - but remember everything is covered n solid - you are ok
- Barko came to change dressing no issues

PAIN RATING - 1/10 
DISCOMFORT RATING - 1/10 (love the bed!)

Day 7 Sunday

- Change dressing session where stitches n gauze around penis removed. NOW THIS WAS THE MOST PAIN EVER IN MY LIFE!!!!! I died and my soul went to out of space as I shut eyes so tight ... but I made it through (I didn't die was a metaphor of pain)
- really depressed cried.

PAIN RATING - 100/10 (stitches)
DISCOMFORT RATING - 4/10

Day 8 Monday

- Dr didn't come to change dressing but that's ok. Today I feel so good like back to normal - not quite but walking well and great mood. I guess body is healing and over time you get stronger.
- I have been eating well too oats, broccoli, carrots, spinach, rice, various beans, multigrain breads.
- I had diarrhoea from the time I mentioned about going number two and went like 6 times a day but was more one splurge each time per say. Then Barko on the day he took me to apartment bought me probiotic tablets . that's helping me as stoole is now better.

PAIN RATING - 3/10 (sore down there)
DISCOMFORT RATING - 2/10

Day 8 Tuesday

- Dr came to change me at 9pm-they are busy but I really appreciate they time and efforts, their after care is world class!
- I didn't change my cause yesterday so got stuck where stitch was and had to rip it - ouchy. He did a through clean today and was sore.
- I think I'm gna buy Panadol or something light.

PAIN RATING - 6/10 (sore down there)
DISCOMFORT RATING - 2/10

Hope this helps -  let me know any questions thus far. will update further thanks :)
Overall I wrote the above so you are all mentally prepared .he pain parts are mostly during change sessions otherwise its not paining. I do not want to discourage anyone just to guide and inform and educate to be best prepared mentally. I do not regret :)

2 WEEKS PRE SURGERY

Hi All. 

My surgery is in two weeks with Dr Miro in Serbia in December 2019. 

Purpose of the blog is to document the journey to 

- firstly help others with information and also 

- as something to take my mind off the surgery process as something to do. 

I am two weeks shy of travelling to Serbia. I have read a fair blogs and I noted that there are recurring themes I noted and also so far in my experience or my expectations was to get instructions - pre and post to prepare for. But each time I ask I do not get a lot back. Maybe it is because they perhaps get a lot of enquiries and people do not follow up so they potentially just tell us when we get there in those 2 days pre surgery. I also think the ownoues is on us to some extent. 

I have not prepared for what I need to bring etc but I will do this week:

- doughnut to sit on

- baby wipes

- loose boxers large size and pants

- anti embolism stockings to groin area per Marta

- juiceplus fruit and Vege capsules

- need to get cash out from bank euros

- get my T and other pain meds and laxatives 

Peace