- I think I lost count of the days as in my last post Tuesday is actually day 9 as I was meant to count surgery date on 2 December. But all good! :)
- Today they removed the sting from my penis. I had two tubes left remember just the catheter to pee and this tube. Hurt and burned like hell. Was like peeling the inside at the end but it was quick but felt long.
- My diarrhoea is no more thanks to the probiotic tablets :)
- lost track of dates but after the stiches were out doctor came a day after and the gauze got stuck there so he had to rip it again. No fun but was over quick.
- Remember also only wear your catheter bag to sleep at night to avoid infections.
Day 15 - 16 December
- I hate Cather bag. Irritates my bladder and some white stuff coming out. Apparently it’s normal. Just to keep drinking water.
- I find in evenings around 6 I am sore down there and it throbs. I think from all the up and down. Doc says throbbing is sign of healing.
Weds 18. Day 17
- today went to the hospital to see doctor miro.
- Had two cleaning sessions one with Marko. Guess he had to properly clean before miro came and it hurt like hell. Then Marta came in and they pulled a lot and put saline solution.
- When miro came he said I have a fistula. Great. They say it’s a small hole and will close over time and when I start to void in a week or so I need to close it with a finger to add pressure. I did some research on goggle and it says if it doesn’t close in 3 months I need a revision. Please pray for me.
- Other than that the journey to the hospital and back was unconfy as I forgot my doughnut and I didn’t sit down from 130 pm to 5pm per say. The half hour car ride I lifted myself with biceps holding the top of the car holder and the other hands triceps pulling my butt up and then my legs pushing against the front of the car seat against my back to avoid bumps. Then miro was in surgery so I lied down and waiting more than half hour with legs bent was uncomfortable but had to hold on. Then the doctor was gna give me a lift so we waited downstairs Biru I couldn’t sit. I was so uncomfortable and tired and weak. I msged the doctor to say let’s just get a taxi don’t worry but they insisted. Five minutes became more than hour standing. Talk about mind over matter. I got home at 5 pm.
- Then I needed to go to the toilet to pee then went back on bed. Then needed to pee again. It didn’t make sense. I was feeling uncontrollable pee pressure but pushed it away. But as I pee second time I Had NO CONTROL OF MY BLADDER. I literally as I was peeing from the tube - pee came out from down there all over the place. It was like release of pressure and lots of pee from bladder. I asked my brother to call doctor and he said don’t worry it happens sometimes and to take rest. Nothing is wrong and to act normal. I was really scared as I don’t know if the pee came from the hole - did I make the fistula bigger? Did I pee from the penis I have no idea as I couldn’t not see as was wearing the lacy underwear.
- Doctor told me to check if the catheter was working so I but the bag and it was working. He said to leave it for the night must have been 6/7 pm. So many thoughts running through my head. I think it’s coz of the pressure of standing and lifting myself that may have caused it I don’t know.
- I broke down into tears as I was resting. Uncontrollable tears. I was so sad having thoughts about regret for the first time. Saying to my brother this isn’t fair etc. balling my eyes out and he reassured me that I am getting better. The worst is over and only one tube left etc. I am grateful for him to be there. It’s not easy. I calmed myself my saying my affirmation mantra. Ate some soup and slept couldn’t eat much. Meditated to bed. Took me a while to sleep.
Thursday 19th. Day 18
- today I feel wonderfull. I think sometimes you needs to let all your emotions out. Don’t hold in. It’s healing to cry and let it all out of your system.
- I slept really well. Woke up with more movement. I did stretches and walked around apartment. Pushed balls down and sat and repeat. Ate a big lunch as missed proper dinner yesterday. Had a chocolate bar too :) then had a good number 2.
- Today is a good day. No pain no discomfort. I am good. I am healing.
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